Tragically Captivating

I wonder how many girls struggle with feeling like she doesn't have approval, love or acceptance? How many of those girls feel or think that she doesn't measure up to the world's, or her family's, or even her own expectations? That no matter what she does, it's never enough.  How many of those daughters weren't shown or given unconditional love and acceptance by her own family.

The book Captivating, by John & Stasi Eldredge sums this thought up well:

You see, every little girl - and every little boy - is asking one fundamental question. But they are very different questions, depending on whether you are a little boy or little girl.  Little boys want to know, Do I have what it takes? All that rough and tumble, all that daring and superhero dress up, all of that is a boy seeking to prove that he does have what it takes.  He was made in the image of a warrior God. Nearly all a man does is fueled by his search for validation, that longing he carriers for an answer to his Question.

Little girls want to know, Am I lovely? The twirling skirts, the dress up, the longing to be pretty and to be seen - that is what that's all about. We are seeking an answer to our Question. When I was a girl of maybe five years old, I remember standing on top of the coffee table in my grandparents' living room and singing my heart out. I wanted to capture attention - especially my father's attention. I wanted to be captivating. We all did. But for most of us, the answer to our Question when we were young was "No, there is nothing captivating about you. Get off the coffee table." Nearly all a woman does in her adult life is fueled by her longing to be delighted in, her longing to be beautiful, to be irreplaceable, to have her Question answered, "Yes!"

I am reminded of this so, so painfully today as I try to process the news of a young lady that completed suicide. I thought I was doing okay - basically ignoring the new knowledge and weight that I was carrying - until my last client of the day.  She also knew the teenager that had died and needed to talk about it.  She summed up what I was feeling really well, "I'm feeling everything and nothing at the same time.  I don't know what to feel."

You see, when you do in-home therapy, you don't just get to know your client - you get to know the whole family. Some families better than others, but nonetheless, the family invites you into their home and you temporarily become part of them.  I finished my day with my client sharing music with me that they played at the funeral, I think she knows that I was trying my to hold it together and not cry since I stopped talking and was utterly silent while I was driving.  I think it was good for her to share with me and see that I was real and effected by this death like she was.

Tragically though, this reminded me of the work that God has created me to do.  These young ladies (and men) need people in their lives that are willing to tell them and show them that they ARE captivating - that they are beautiful and loved and important - and they don't even realize it.  My heart breaks for the girls that don't have this.

The butterfly emerges from its silken shell
Reborn, it arises, no longer bound to earth.
Free at last, the butterfly glides to heights unknown before.

So do our loved ones find a beautiful release as,
earthbound no more, they leave our sight and joyfully
 rise to a garden of matchless beauty,
a place of light and peace.
~Evelyn Phillips