Dates and Mates

I was supposed to go on a date this Thursday. A first date - on Valentine's Day, but I realized it wouldn't be fair to me or the guy. You see, my heart and my head wouldn't be in it. If I'm honest, though, I was really excited at first.  But the more I thought about it, the excitement came from the fact that another man in this world found me attractive... not because I was excited to get to know him or spend time with him.  I won't play games with myself or any other person.

After my breakup in December, I chose the date in my calendar of March 4th being when I would allow myself to date again.  I chose that date because it was the end of the Boundaries in Dating study that my small group is studying.  There are ways that I was dating prior to this study that weren't being true to myself, and one of those is that I need to stick to what I believe.  I believe there is a reason that God prompted me towards that date and I need to trust Him and myself.

So, I've told the guy and cancelled the date. Reading the below letter from my dear friend Kari, written to me when I graduated from high school, also helped me to be able to make that choice.  I hope you enjoy it and learn as much from it as I have.

...    Becky, your mom has asked us to give you some advice on choosing a mate. First of all, remember that marriage is for a lifetime. It is a commitment. A pastor told me years ago... do everything you want to do before you get married.  To choose a mate is a very serious decision.  I (Kari) personally made a list of qualities when I was 16 years old & prayed over it. Yes, my list changed over the years, because I changed. That is normal. Your list will change too, as your own personal values, character, & personality continue to mature.

As a Christian couple, we pray you will want to marry a man who is a Christian.  There is no other human relationship which is as fulfilling, joy-filled, & fun, as a marriage relationship in which you can share all things, including your love of Christ. The Bible says do not be unequally yoked... This command has two equally important lessons for us.  It means don't marry an unbeliever, because you will be unevenly yoked.  If he does not believe in Christ, you will not share the same values, morals, and purpose for life & your dreams for a joy-filled marriage will become a joy-less reality.  It also means don't marry someone in the Christian faith who is unevenly yoked with you. Just because he is a Christian doesn't mean he is the one whom God ordained for you to marry.  Seek a mate who loves Christ as deeply as you love Him, & who accepts Jesus as both Saviour & Lord of his life.  Remember, all Christians are sinners.  Use discernment.  And PRAY, PRAY, PRAY!!!!! Psalm 20:4 - May he give you the desire of your heart, & make all your plans succeed...

 Who could have guessed that all these years later, that this wisdom would be applicable now?  That I would have a Christian woman that I could trust, go to, and call my friend - that used to be my youth director!  The list of qualities she mentions above - I believe, is important.  I created my list when I was in junior high and it did change.  I revisited it and modified it once I divorced, and again when I recommitted to living as a Christian woman and mom.  That list really hasn't changed a whole lot since then, although in addition to the qualities that I find important, and I use that to help me be wise and discerning when it comes to dating and seeing through my emotions.

I echo Kari's prayer, especially for all of us that are single Christians... have faith, pray, and trust in HIM!  He knows your heart and your desires.