Learning from Past Mistakes

I'm reading through the book For Women Only, by Shaunti Feldhahn.  This isn't the first time that I've read through it, but it certainly is the first time that my eyes have been opened to the way that I had previously treated the men in my life. I've been so truly convicted and challenged to examine the effects of my words and actions before they occur.  It's been very, very humbling to realize how much hurt I may have unintentionally caused the men in my life that I so deeply respect and honor.

Up until recently, I had no idea why something that I would say - like advice or an unasked for opinion, albeit innocently enough, would make a guy so upset and angry.  Does it really come down to what I say to him, and that it comes across to him as disrespectful?

That, by far, is the last thing that I would want to do.  Yet, even in the last month I can think of two incidents with two different men where I did - completely unintentionally - come across as being disrespectful and/or not supporting of them or their abilities.  I know this because both of them got angry or at least reacted angrily/frustrated towards me directly.  I was clueless - I was like "What did I do?!"  But now, looking back, I can see how my words would have questioned their abilities and torn them down, rather than building them up.  And the crazy thing is that these are men whom I respect, hold in the highest esteem, that are strong and competent, and could do anything.

Yet, my lack of awareness, insight, and insensitivity made these two men feel less, rather than more.  I cut them down rather than affirmed them and their abilities.  I wish I could tell either of them how deeply and truly sorry I am for doing this.  And how I wish they would be comfortable enough to tell me when I do this so that I can be more aware of it.  No wonder some marriage experts say that you should continue learning about your significant other - striving for a PhD in who they are.  There is so much to learn about the opposite sex; I sometimes wonder about how people do make it work in long-term relationships. I suppose it's a journey and commitment that they make together to God and to one another.